i need a good sountrack

(this is an old one, but hey, this is my blog isnt it?)


i spent a nice friday night at home alone, sleeping or eating or smoking, drinking tea i don't like... you get the drift.

and it really was a nice night too: pre summer when there's a slight breeze but not too cool and not too hot, like you can wear a tank top and shorts and not worry about freezing your ass off or sweating like a pig.

i read a book i've read a thousand times since coming to japan, one of the better ones off my shamefully small, entertainment-in-english-and-i-don't-mean-easy-living-in-kyoto
collection. the rest are japanese language textbooks...

(oh god, where did my floor-to-almost-ceiling books go? packed hurriedly in a box at my sisters apartment in makati, gathering dust. will the words still be there when i return? or will the pages dissolve at a touch?)

so yeah it's safe to say im depressed. and to make matters worse, i chose to stop rereading that book at its most depressing part when, having read it over and
over i could have chosen to edit those out and jump to the funny parts or rewind to the profound ones or hell, even skip to the very satisfying i've-just-started-a-new-phase-in-my-life-and-its-starting-to-make-sense-again-and-none-of-that-corny-self-righteous-cliches-thank-you-very-much ending. but i don't. so what does that say about me?

hell. somebody get a thesaurus and give me the common every-day word for masochist. loser seems too mundane and covers a lot of ground. depressed is... well, over-used. while what just happened and this entry is too long, painful and fucking draining.