i'm a collage

so. the past few months, i've been in love, terrified, confused, lazy, busy, heart-broken, etc. i owe the people who check my blog once in a while a humongous apology for the long and unexplained absence. i'm sorry guys. so a quick rundown of what happened to me since, just to bridge the gap between then and now.

september. failed my entrance exams to the master's course. got really depressed. got drunk. met this guy that i'd later fall in love with. all this happened in one day.

october. pretty much stopped going to school. fell in love. got burned. took revenge in the worst way possible. turned 24 and pretty much into an alcoholic.

november. took a risk which paid off very well, answered all my questions, and cleared my heart and head. for a while anyway.

december. began taking my responsibilities seriously again. studied for my second-chance entrance exams. spent christmas and new year with the one i love. my first snowfall. lovely, lovely, lovely.

january. studied like hell for exams. got broke because of exam fees to two universities. studied. studied. crammed. survived on coffee, cigarettes and alcohol.

february. took two exams to two universities, one of which during valentine's day. passed both. amazingly happy but really, really, really tired.

march. went into hiding from friends, university, scholarship and lover. burnt out, i guess. got into really big trouble with almost everybody except my closest friends and family. two good friends in japan went back home. felt lonely, shitty, selfish, depressed, defiant. got a talking to and almost lost everything, enough to slap me awake.

april. got my shit together. finally. went to school everyday, studied, did my experiments. was happy because i had a purpose, a goal and was working towards it. love went away.

may. still working towards the goal, which is basically to do my best to get this degree and have the most fun i can. so at least some things are clear in my head. for now.

today. a little bit sad and confused. i dont know why. but i feel good about paying attention to this blog again. the whole time between then and now, i was writing, writing, writing. but i felt they were too personal, too painful to be published. i dunno. i rarely wear my heart on my sleeve, and during that period my heart (and my writing) was in fragments. i'll sift through them, and we'll see.

"Say you were split, you were split in fragments
And none of the pieces would talk to you
Wouldn't you want to be who you had been?
Well baby I want that too"

-- Aimee Mann, Humpty Dumpty