when in doubt, waste time.

1)Name the Things You Have Bought Today
A liter of coffee, a package of napoleones-like italian dessert, bento lunch, a pack of cigarettes and gum.

2)Name Four Drinks You Regularly Drink
Coffee, bourbon, coke, tequila. In that order.

3)Last Time You Cried ?
2nd or 3rd of January when I finally realized I was in love and there was no way out. Mind you, it wasn't exactly tears of joy.

4)What's In Your CD Player ?
Aimee Mann's Lost in Space. Been there for about a week now.

5)What's Under Your Bed ?
Two pull-out drawers where I store my winter clothes. And mutant dust-bunnies, I think.

6)Time You Wake Up Today?
I didn't. Never went to bed, so I'm walking about school with no sleep. Or is it I'm sleepwalking? Huh?

7)Current hair:
Long and layered. Just had it straightened because I finally gave in to vanity. Future plans: cornrows.

8)Current Clothes?
An olive green tee with a cool red dragon in front (which I got as a 'present' from... nevermind), jeans, my really cool blue suede sneakers with three red stripes, and my favorite orange corduroy jacket.

9)Current Desktop Picture?
A row of sailboats (huh?) along the beach in Boracay. I miss the beach.

10)Current Worry?
On the surface? That it might rain later today. Inside, reports I haven't done, experiments I've to study for, and this guy that I want to see.

11)Current Hate?
so-fuckin-eager-to-please, self-righteous and ass-kissing labmates.

12)Favorite Places To Be?
Kamogawa when the water's not too cold and I can soak my feet; the "philospher's stone" at Starbucks Sanjo-Ohashi on a clear sunny Saturday.

13)Least Favorite Place?
Laboratory at 3am, all alone and wanting to cry and cannot call any of my friends. Wait, is this a situation? Hehe.

14)If You Could Play An Instrument, what would it be?
Classical guitar. I had one in high school and was taking lessons, but no, I wanted to be a rockstar instead. So I quit the lessons, played a little folk guitar and promptly forgot everything. Until I heard the Gypsy Kings.

15)Favorite Color(s)?
Red. But it seems people notice I have a lot of orange and purple stuff.

16)How Tall Are You?
5'3.5" but I think that's too complicated, so let's leave it at 5'4" okay? Okay?!

17)Current Favorite Word/s?
"No fucking way!" "Sou desu neh..."

18)One wish that came true:
That I get into Kyodai.

19)Favorite Day?
Weekend.

20)Where Would You Like To Go Right Now?
Home and sleeeeeeeeeeep. zzzzzzz. Or have a drink somewhere...

21)Where Do you want to live when you get married?
Even if I'm not married, I'd love to stay somewhere a stone's throw from the beach.

22)Favorite foods?
Now, Thai and Japanese curry.

23)Color of most clothes you own:
red, purple/lilac, black

24)Number of pillows you sleep w/?
Two. But I really just use one.

25)What do you wear when you go to sleep?
tank tops and shorts or pyjama bottoms.

26)What were you doing 12 midnight last night?
I was leaving a friend's house.

27)How old will you be in 10 years?
34. And hopefully, wiser and better, too.

28)What do you think you'll be doing in 10 years?
Travelling still?

29)Do you have braces?
Used to. One year in college where my dentist hid from me everytime I had an appointment (usually it's the other way around right?), so I ended up removing them by myself. Using pliers.

30)Are you paranoid?!
Over-analytical and overly cautious. Is that a yes?

31)Do you burn or tan?
I roast. I turn a nice reddish brown, exactly the color of extra-crispy lechon.

32)What is the brand of your wallet?
I have no idea.

33)Your alarm clock?
Some generic shit from the combini.

34)Your phone?
Toshiba

35)Your bag?
Book bag, no brand, tartan print. Weekend bag, Gap with a cigarette burn. All around backpack, Jansport.

36)TV?
Second-hand Aiwa.

37)First real memory of something?
Stealing my little brother's baby bottle and making him cry.

38)First screen name?
As herself.

39)First piercing/tattoo?
First piercing, ears. Then ears again. And recently, navel! Yey! Tattoo over my left shoulder. And I've just finished drawing another possibility for my second...

40)First enemy?
The neighborhood bully who had asthma and was rumored to eat live lizards.

41)Last library book checked out?
Wuthering Heights and Northanger Abbey. Both of which are overdue already! Haha.

42)Last person you yelled at?
An irritating and meddling not-so-friend a month ago.


43)Last crush?
This 11- or 12-year old kid I saw last week. Beautiful cafe au lait skin, dreadlocks down midback, and the most amazing hazel eyes.

44)Last CD/song played?
Don't go down, Elliot Smith

45)Last food you ate?
Caramel roll with some kind of flan/pudding in the middle. Yum!

46)Last annoyance?
Had to attend this seminar on radioisotopes for 4 straight hours and in the end, I had to give blood! X-files, anyone?

47)Last disappointment?
That I don't have more money? But this is kind of my constant disappointment...

48)Last thing written by hand?
Notes for my zemi earlier today.

49)Last words spoken?
Oishikatta! Gochisosama desu.

50)Last ice cream eaten?
Apple pie at Haagendazs when they still had that promo--se7en (se7en!!!) scoops for 500yen.

i'm a collage

so. the past few months, i've been in love, terrified, confused, lazy, busy, heart-broken, etc. i owe the people who check my blog once in a while a humongous apology for the long and unexplained absence. i'm sorry guys. so a quick rundown of what happened to me since, just to bridge the gap between then and now.

september. failed my entrance exams to the master's course. got really depressed. got drunk. met this guy that i'd later fall in love with. all this happened in one day.

october. pretty much stopped going to school. fell in love. got burned. took revenge in the worst way possible. turned 24 and pretty much into an alcoholic.

november. took a risk which paid off very well, answered all my questions, and cleared my heart and head. for a while anyway.

december. began taking my responsibilities seriously again. studied for my second-chance entrance exams. spent christmas and new year with the one i love. my first snowfall. lovely, lovely, lovely.

january. studied like hell for exams. got broke because of exam fees to two universities. studied. studied. crammed. survived on coffee, cigarettes and alcohol.

february. took two exams to two universities, one of which during valentine's day. passed both. amazingly happy but really, really, really tired.

march. went into hiding from friends, university, scholarship and lover. burnt out, i guess. got into really big trouble with almost everybody except my closest friends and family. two good friends in japan went back home. felt lonely, shitty, selfish, depressed, defiant. got a talking to and almost lost everything, enough to slap me awake.

april. got my shit together. finally. went to school everyday, studied, did my experiments. was happy because i had a purpose, a goal and was working towards it. love went away.

may. still working towards the goal, which is basically to do my best to get this degree and have the most fun i can. so at least some things are clear in my head. for now.

today. a little bit sad and confused. i dont know why. but i feel good about paying attention to this blog again. the whole time between then and now, i was writing, writing, writing. but i felt they were too personal, too painful to be published. i dunno. i rarely wear my heart on my sleeve, and during that period my heart (and my writing) was in fragments. i'll sift through them, and we'll see.

"Say you were split, you were split in fragments
And none of the pieces would talk to you
Wouldn't you want to be who you had been?
Well baby I want that too"

-- Aimee Mann, Humpty Dumpty

A small intro to the post below...

I've been away so long, I've almost forgotten my username and password (but weirdly enough, remembered the one to an old, forgotten and almost-unrecoverable blog). But anyway, that last one is a product of one of the most confusing times of my life, thus the long absence. I wrote it (as the date says) October 14th of last year, but just published it today.

God, its been so long, but the song stays the same...